SmartRemarks

I have no idea who the original author of this piece is. It’s flying all over the internet, though, so presumably I’m not the only one who thinks it’s a thing of beauty that deserves to be shared. Next time you run across some halfwit opposing health insurance reform (or anything else) because he insists that “the government can’t do anything right,” just turn to this:

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I Am An American Conservative Shitheel

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

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In my personal opinion, naturally. YMMV. If this were in any way authoritative, it would have been carved in stone by a finger of flame.

But I have been pondering, of late, the sort of things I like to read and watch, and I find myself mulling over some commonalities. There seem to be four recurring characteristics that mark a piece of fiction for me as enjoyable, memorable, and (if it’s in serial form) worthy of further attention. None of these by itself is either necessary or sufficient to make a story effective, but the presence of at least two of them is usually enough to pique my curiosity, and the presence of three or four almost guarantees that I’ll become a fan.

What are these oh-so-crucial characteristics?…

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Can this be real?

Out of all the floods of commentary generated by the economic collapse of the last few months, variously thoughtful and outraged, panicked and funny, this is the first site where I’m left admitting I have absolutely no idea what to make of it. It’s about… well, it’s about young New York women who (used to) date Wall Street bankers, complaining to allegedly comic effect that their gravy train lifestyles have been disrupted by their boyfriends’ dissolving professional lives. From the site’s mission statement:

Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA) is a safe place where women can come together – free from the scrutiny of feminists – and share their tearful tales of how the mortgage meltdown has affected their relationships. DABA Girls was started by two best friends whose relationships tanked with the economy. Not knowing what else to do, we did what frustrated but articulate girls have done since the beginning of time — we started a blog. So if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life, lighten your heart with laughter…

Is it meant to be satire? Can it possibly be intended to be taken straight? Should readers be in on the joke, or cringe at the shamelessness of it all?  Read the rest of this entry »

And now, in the “surely too strange to be true” category…

(Or perhaps the “even a stopped clock” category?…)

Hat tip to the site “Political Irony,” which clued me in to this piece from Esquire, surveying the opinions of several white supremacist and neo-Nazi leaders. Apparently voting for McCain is something most of them just couldn’t stomach, and they were actually willing to go on the record about it. Sample quotes:

Tom Metzger, Director of White Aryan Resistance:

The corporations are running things now, so it’s not going to make much difference who’s in there, but McCain would be much worse. He’s a warmonger. He’s a scary, scary person–more dangerous than Bush. Obama, according to his book, Dreams Of My Father, is a racist and I have no problem with black racists. … I hate the transnational corporations far more than any black person.

Erich Gliebe, Chairman of the National Alliance:

I don’t think McCain even acknowledges that a white race exists. He’s all about granting amnesty to illegal aliens. The fact he wants to keep us in wars in the Middle East for 100 years, that’s not a good thing. I give Obama credit, he seems to have stuck to his guns as far as pulling the troops out of Iraq. He’s a very intelligent man, an excellent speaker and has charisma. John McCain offers none of that.

Rocky Suhayda, Chairman of the American Nazi Party:

White people are faced with either a negro or a total nutter who happens to have a pale face. Personally I’d prefer the negro. National Socialists are not mindless haters. Here, I see a white man, who is almost dead, who declares he wants to fight endless wars around the globe to make the world safe for Judeo-capitalist exploitation, who supports the invasion of America by illegals–basically a continuation of the last eight years of Emperor Bush. Then, we have a black man, who loves his own kind, belongs to a Black-Nationalist religion, is married to a black women… that’s the kind of negro that I can respect.

Even the lone holdout can barely tolerate McCain: Ron Edwards, Imperial Wizard of the Imperial Klans of America, says “If [Obama] wins, I’ll laugh. I don’t like McCain, but he’s the only one I can vote for.”

On the other hand, the one black supremacist they talked to, a fellow called Yahanna, can’t stand Obama:  says he, “McCain is definitely the better shot for black people.”

In other news, cats and dogs are lying down together, and the tinfoil hat industry is bucking economic trends with a huge upsurge in quarterly profits. We are definitely living in unusual times…

Every once in a while I run across something online that cries out for broader exposure, and this is just such an item. Hilarious. Enjoy and share!

General McClellan Responds to Sarah Palin

Dear Governor Palin,

George B. McClellan here. I am writing you urgently about last evening’s goddamned debate, where you cited my comments on Afghanistan as a defense for Senator McCain’s proposed “surge” in Afghanistan. The goddamned media is really all over you. They say you didn’t mean to refer to me. That I’ve been dead since 1885, and you clearly meant General David D. McKiernan. They say you don’t know what you’re talking about. Don’t worry Palin, you stick to your guns. They said the same things about me after Antietam, goddamn sunken road. You’ve got a good future ahead of you.

The problem though, Palin, and I’ll be blunt, is that history has not remembered me kindly. They say that I couldn’t put away Robert E. Lee. They say I was a coward. They say I was elected Governor of New Jersey and didn’t even know it. I’m pretty fucked.

Accordingly I respectfully ask that you refrain from quoting me or implying my support in this campaign. People just don’t like you guys. It won’t do.

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Seriously Sarah, just leave me out of this. I fought hard and I loved those men of the Potomac. I know from strategies that work and strategies that keep you on a goddamned bloody lane years longer than you need to be. You’re on the wrong side of history here, just like me. You’re running against goddamned Abe Lincoln. You can’t win this and you shouldn’t.

Give John my best.

Sincerely and most respectfully,

General George B. McClellan