I have no idea who the original author of this piece is. It’s flying all over the internet, though, so presumably I’m not the only one who thinks it’s a thing of beauty that deserves to be shared. Next time you run across some halfwit opposing health insurance reform (or anything else) because he insists that “the government can’t do anything right,” just turn to this:

I Am An American Conservative Shitheel

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

I watched this while eating my breakfast of U.S. Department of Agriculture-inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time, as regulated by the U.S. Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the U.S. Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration-approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank.

On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the U.S. Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and Fire Marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.

And then I log on to the internet — which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration — and post on Freerepublic.com and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t do anything right.

The only reason government sometimes doesn’t work is because conservative Republican administrations defund and/or patronage-staff it with people tied to special business interests: to wit, the last FDA, Dept. of Interior, and Dept. of Agriculture under G.W. Bush. No one seems to have a problem with pumping over $500 Billion to the Defense Department, though — which last I hear is a socialized entity.

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3 Responses to “The best-ever response to anti-government zealots”
  1. It stands for Musical Instrument Digital Interface. Piano Instructor Lite is a great app for
    beginners. Notation can be thought of as a book for musicians.

  2. Wilbert says:

    That is indeed the funniest thing i have read in a long time. Absolutely great!

  3. Giffen/deMatteis-era Justice League laughter here!

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